I'll be here

I'll be here, waiting forever
If that's what it takes to be with you
I'll never give up, on dreaming
All of the things that we could do
Together, whether it's now or never
Right here, I am waiting for you now

As always - it was a beginning.

Take care, Ed.

The days go by

So tell me, aren't we all just hired hands working on those dreams we plan to try? But, at least for me, sometimes it's just so hard to get going. It used to be different, but used to be's don't really matter anymore. The good news is I can feel it coming. Something different. Something exciting. Something, well, it's about damn time! So hold on tight and enjoy the right!

Henry David Thoreau said "simplify your life". It has really stuck with me over the years. But other than knowing that little piece, I never really took the time to read his work. If I did I probably wouldn't like it much, but maybe... just maybe, I would.

For tonight, since I'm in a retrospective mood, I'll leave you with this:

A young boy traveled across Japan to the school of a famous martial artist. When he arrived at the dojo he was given an audience by the sensei. "What do you wish from me?" the master asked. "I wish to be your student and become the finest karateka in the land," the boy replied. "How long must I study?". "Ten years at least," the master answered. "Ten years is a long time," said the boy. "What if I studied twice as hard as all your other students?" "Twenty years," replied the master. "Twenty years! What if I practice day and night with all my effort?" "Thirty years," was the master's reply. "How is it that each time I say I will work harder, you tell me that it will take longer?" the boy asked. "The answer is clear. When one eye is fixed upon your destination, there is only one eye left with which to find the Way."

Until next time!

That's just the way it is

Sometimes it just doesn't matter... I had a post all ready to go this morning. I'm not saying that it was going to change the world. In fact, I'm not even certain anyone even reads my rants. Still, it was something. For some reason the stupidometer was in high gear, and stayed that way all day! I went to post the article and it just kept "working...". Finally I figured something must be wrong, so I hit the button on the browser, figuring I could just resubmit. Nope - cleared out everything I had written. Lost forever. The rant that never was. Now, instead, you get this. To you, the avid reader, it may not make that much difference. Hey, a post is a post. But for me, well, truth be told, it doesn't make that much difference either. It just gave me more to write about.

Speaking of writing, I was playing in a poker tournament tonight. It was a 3-table tournament - 30 people. It was a $5 entry fee, and the top 5 positions paid out. About 3/4 of the way through I had to use the bathroom, no questions asked. So I checked the box to post blinds and fold, since I'd be away from the table. I get back a few minutes later, my bankroll sufficiently shrunk, to play another few hands. Then we get the noticed that it was time for all players to get a 5 minute break. Damn! I forgot about the break, otherwise I would have tried to wait that extra few minutes.

Shortly thereafter, we were combined into the finally board and I was wiped off the table. I finished 9th out of 30, which overall is pretty good... but pretty good doesn't pay the bills. Then again, neither will winning a $5 poker tournament. Ah well, time to get on with life once again.

Until next time.

Let the day begin

Dum dee dum dum dum. I'm still here. Yesterday I was just so tired! I tried going to bed several times last night. The first time it was about 8pm. Yes, 8pm. Not exactly 8pm, I really didn't get too caught up in the details, but around 8pm. As soon as I was incoherent - you know, that amazing time between being awake and asleep, when all those crazy weird nonsensical visions somehow make perfect sense to you - the phone rang. Kip!

As these things go, I couldn't fall right back to sleep. I sat at my computer for about an hour before making my second attempt - at sleep. Before too long I once again enter my incoherent state... I think I even drift off sleep! Then the phone rings. It's 11pm. It's my brother. He's leaving for Florida at 5am and wants a suitcase. Completing that task, I head off for sleep one last time. I'm successful! It's morning.

Let the day begin.

Maybe next time

My arm hurts! It's not the bruised, painful, did something stupid kind of hurt. This is the other kind. The "I slept on my stupid arm just because I could" kind of hurt that stays with you for half the day. I can't wait until it goes away.

I really wanted to have some cereal for breakfast this morning. Not just any cereal, I wanted Captain Crunch. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was those visions of crunch berries dancing in my head. I haven't had Captain Crunch in a few years now. In fact, I really haven't had cereal in a long time. Unfortunately, as of right now, I still haven't had cereal in a long time. Oh well, maybe next time.

I feel a little "blah" today. I think it's because I have no planned goals that really excite me. Maybe something will come up. If not then, oh well, maybe next time!

Until next time.

Take it away, Garth...

The thing I love the most about music is how much music is life. The lyrics draw us a picture while the music colors it. Music can express so many things. I love music! Right now I have a song by Garth Brooks stuck in my head. Probably because I haven't heard it in a while. That and I've been practicing another one of his songs on the guitar lately. What's the song singing in my head? It's "You Move Me":

This is how it seems to me
Life is only therapy
Real expensive
And no guarantee

So I lie here on the couch
With my heart hanging out
Frozen solid with fear
Like a rock in the ground

But you move me
You give me courage I didn't know I had
You move me
I can't go with you
And stay where I am
So you move me

This is how love was to me
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowin' what they mean

And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn't budge
I might have stayed there forever
If not for your touch

Oh but you move me
Out of myself and into the fire
You move me
Now I'm burning with love
And with hope and desire
How you move me

You go whistling in the dark
Making light of it
Making light of it
And I follow with my heart
Laughing all the way

Oh 'cause you move me
you get me dancing and you make me sing
You move me
Now I'm taking delight
In every little thing
How you move me
It's a pretty song, and I just love the beginning. Life is only therapy - how true! Speaking of therapy, it's time for me to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a new beginning and I'm very excited about it!

Nothing feels much better than a morning in September
That's what I remember most of all
And have I ever told you 'bout that one September morning
When my life changed from the summer to the fall

I finally solved the mystery of the autumn in New England
That has brought so many people stopping by
Who's woods these are I think I know, but nobody is telling
I can see the colors changing through my eyes

But before the winter comes I hope to find a new tomorrow
The one I know that I'll remember most of all
Before I stop to tell you 'bout that one December evening
When the winter came to take away the fall

(c)09/05/2004 by Ed Borowski

Once again, have a good night!

Hello World!

I used to be a computer programmer, now I'm just a slog. Not just any kind of slog mind you. Nope, I'm a 100 percent pure slog in the intransitive sense. Definition # 1 to be exact. "to plod heavily". I had to clarify because, much to my surprise, being a slog is much more complicated than I thought. For some unknown reason, nothing in my life is easy. You'd think that being a slog would be easy. Nope. I was surprised at all the different ways that being a slog really doesn't sound all that bad. Here's what Merriam-Webster has to say about it:

Main Entry: ¹slog
Pronunciation: 'släg
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): slogged; slog·ging
Etymology: origin unknown
transitive senses
1 : to hit hard : BEAT
2 : to plod (one's way) perseveringly especially against difficulty
intransitive senses
1 : to plod heavily : TRAMP <slogged through the snow>
2 : to work hard and steadily : PLUG
- slog·ger noun

Now I'm going to mysteriously change the subject and act like we never talked about it. So I had this weird dream last night. I dreamt that I bought two new motorcycles. I was very excited. My brother bought one too. His was a Honda 250cc offroad. Pretty cool bike. Mine weren't Honda, though we purchased them at the same place. Oddly enough, we purchased them in the basement of our house on Bridge Street in Northampton (yes - I realize that I've never lived on Bridge Street in Northampton). One of the bikes that I purchased was also a 250cc offroad, the other was an on-off road bike. It was interesting because it looked more like a 10-speed bike than a motorcycle. I wanted to return it! Jim also kept his bike in our basement. I have no idea why.

On that note, time to start the day. I kicked some ass in poker last night! I came in 1st in my 1st tournament and 2nd in my second.

Until next time!

I'm back baby, I'm back!

You'll be happy to know that my back keeps getting better. I'm actually moving around much better today than I have all week. I'm hoping to stop taking the medication soon, it really wipes me out by the afternoon.

My luck at poker continues. This evening when I got home from work I hung out with my brothers dog for a little while, but after that I snuck in a quick poker tournament before my guitar lesson. I came in 1st. My winning streak continues.

Started working on "Friends in low places" by Garth Brooks. The Intro is much harder than it sounds! Still, it's a fun song. Hopefully I can finally get myself to practice some before next week. One of these days I still have hopes of being able to play some songs.

Hope you're all having a good week!

Shredding Junior

Hello again. No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Not yet anyway! Still struggling through life with a stiff back. I hear it may last for weeks. At least it seems to be getting a little better every day. Today was busy for me, lots of moving around, so I hope that I don't take a step back with it tomorrow.

I've been having some good luck playing poker the last few days. No-Limit Hold 'em if you were curious. Sunday I came in 2nd in one tournament, 1st in another, and nothing to talk about in a third. On Monday I came in 2nd and today I came in 3rd. 1st through 3rd pays, so it's been pretty good.

I've also started wondering about Junior. Junior 8 to be exact. What is Junior? It is one of the strongest chess programs on the market. If you were to pick the top 3, you'd probably go with Shredder 8, Junior 8, and Fritz 8. Let's ignore the fact that Shredder 8 just got its butt kicked by Hydra, because Hydra is running on specialized hardware. Shredder, Junior, and Fritz all share the same interface. It's just the underlying engine that's different. I recently picked up both Shredder and Junior. Shredder is a lot of what you'd expect from one of the best programs, Junior is supposed to play more "human"/tactical type games. I thought they'd be a great mix.

To do some basic comparisons I decided to have them play some tournaments against each other. I wanted some immediate feedback, so I decided to have them play bullet (game in 1 minute) chess. I thought that in really fast play Junior might have the advantage because of it's tactical nature. Boy was I wrong! After about 20 games, Shredder has one every single one - easily. It doesn't seem right. Two of the top chess programs in the world, and one of them getting constantly outplayed. I don't care what the time control, that just doesn't make sense. Anyway, I need to play some slower games and do some more research because there must be some kind of an explanation for it.

Until next time!

Another day goes by

Another weekend flies on by. Not that I'll miss it, at least not the suffering in pain part of it. A definite improvement today. Hopefully tomorrow it'll be barely noticeable, but we'll see. Not too eventful a day for me. My main accomplishments being winning a few on-line poker tournaments. I came in second on one, and first on another. No-Limit hold 'em is definitely a fun game.

Just over two weeks until "The Sims 2" comes out. I'm really looking forward to that. Hopefully it lasts past the first few hours of playing. Over the past few years I really haven't enjoyed computer games as much as I used to. And so it goes.

I hope you enjoyed your weekend!

I love you tomorrow

Wow! Amost never in my life have I experienced back pain like this. Sure, the kidney stones a few years ago sucked more than anything ever, but at least the pain killers helped. I went to the emergency department late this morning/early this afternoon and they gave me some prescriptions. Unfortunately, I can't take the good stuff until before I go to bed. Right now I'm just hoping that it does its job. They tell me that if it's not better by Wednesday I should see my doctor. I'm not so sure - I think Monday sounds much better!

It's not the kind of thing that you think about so much, but when it happens to you... Thanks to my family, friends, and others for being there for me.

Here's to hoping that tomorrow is a better day!

Twist and shout

As you may already be aware of, I'm currently living in a world of suck. It'll get better, of that I am certain. Still, suck is suck. How could it get any worse than being sick in the summer - which never happens to me. Tonight I hurt my back. Yep... the 'ol snapper cracker. What's worse is that I hadn't even started helping my sister move yet. Nope, I was just carrying the good 'ol laundry basket. I'm sure it's related to my being sick. Either that or it's because I know Kip. He has this freaky weird ability to push on to me any ailments that he may obtain - sometimes years later.

I did have a really good sandwich tonight. I was going to add some tomato, but changed my mind at the last minute. It was turkey and cheese on a tomato wrap, microwaved for 35 seconds. Wow! I was impressed. Though my culinary skills may amaze few, they never cease to amaze the one that matters most - me.

Enjoy your night.

All roads lead to sick

There is no mistaking the feeling. The wonderful feeling that surrounds, engulfs, and completely permeates your very being. Yes, my friends, all roads lead to sick. I left work early today, slept a few hours, and life goes on. The good news is I think it's almost gone. I definitely felt worse last night when it initially hit me. Last night was the runnies - and I'm sure you know what those are. They suck! Today it's more the tired and aching muscles along with the foggy mind. Tommorrow morning we move my sister Linda, so hopefully another night of rest and tomorrow I'll be as good as new. If not then, hey, who said suck had to stop at one day. I can take it!

It's in the game

Since time is short this morning I only have one question. Do androids dream of electric sheep? I'll be waiting for Sean's answer to that one later, I may even be motivated enough to do some analysis on my own. Maybe. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's about a game of chess I played last night on the ICC. I thought I played well, but I felt like I couldn't do anything - I lost. Got it? As for me, time to run.

Until next time!

And to all a good night

I'm getting a cold! It's tearing me up inside. Who gets sick in the summer? If we leave out the "not enough sleep last night", the "worked 12 hours today", and the general consensus between me and myself that things suck, I still come to the same conclusion... if a tree falls in the forest. You got it -who cares! Welcome to my world!

Speaking of my world, I think it's about ready to turn in for the day. I'm going to wake up feeling refreshed and ready to face another day. And gosh darnit, people like me!

On that note, hope you're all healthy, happy, and shining at least a little bit of light on that dark side of the moon. I've got a busy weekend, no time to be sick. Sleep, must sleep.

... And to all a good night.

Let the day begin

My house is vibrating. I know - it sounds strange. Here I am in my house and I can hear it! I'll have to check it out soon. It's very unusual. My house, by its very nature, doesn't vibrate. What possible reason could a house have for vibrating... at 6:37 in the morning? It's not a constant vibration, I sense that it is man-made. Someone is making my house vibrate.

And a fine good morning to you too!

Set right what once went wrong

I did it! I know, it was simple and easy. I never said I was smart, people just assume it. My blog was set to Pacific time instead of Eastern time. And I got my first email on gmail from someone other than me!!! My sister, Linda! Yay! Keep them coming now - don't be shy! I'm really going to bed now.

A time to sleep

Yes, my friend(s), another day is over. It was quite a day really. Not that you're interested, but you're going to get the summary nonetheless. I woke up about 45 minutes after my alarm, put in my 8 hours at work, installed a wireless access point for a friend who just got a new laptop, had my guitar lesson, played a game of chess, did a little bit of nothing, and here we are! Ok, maybe there were a few other things in between, they just didn't make the summary.

If you didn't know this about me, I'm a big fan of chess. I love to play. Someday I have hopes of being good at it, but who knows. Tonight it was a quick game on the ICC (Internet Chess Club) against a computer named Tinker (rated around master level, fluctuates between 2200 and 2400). Me, right now I'm around 2050 on the ICC. My USCF (United States Chess Federation) rating is around 1750. That's a Class B rating if you were curious. In other words, I'm a fish.

I did make a change to my blog today - now anyone can post comments. I was surprised when Kip told me that he had to register so that he could post a comment. If you'd like to hear more about Kip in future posts, let me know. I have so many great stories to tell!

So much more to say, but I think I'd rather sleep. Work will be here again before you know it, and I really don't like not getting my 8 hours of sleep! I can't understand how so many people seem to get by day after day with so little sleep.

PS: I'm still waiting for some gmail! Get writing!

Sleep well!

All alone in the night

If you're a fan of science fiction, this title might be familiar to you. A shining beacon in space, all alone in the night? Babylon 5! Now, on with the story.

I was a recent recipient of an amazing gift. Every geeks dream. The holy grail of e-mail. The Google GMail account! That's right, I recieved an invite for my very own gmail account. I was pretty excited. I've been wanting one for weeks.

So now that I've got this great new email address I take the time to write a little note to my friends, family, and others letting them know of my good fortune. My hopes and dreams consisting of a reply, of giving them the chance to be my first. Imagine my disappointment. My utter and total despair. I have yet to receive an email. I'm crying inside! I feel like a shining beacon in space, all alone in the night.

Alright, break-time's over. Back to work! If you have a chance, say hi!

Until next time!

A Beginning

The Wheel of time turns and ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend, legend fades to myth, and even myth is even long forgotten before the age that gave it birth comes again. In one age, called the third age by some, an age yet to come, an age long past, a wind rose along the great plain called the Caralain Grass. It wasn't the beginning, for there are neither beginnings or endings to the turning of the wheel of time. But it was a beginning. - Robert Jordan, The Wheel of Time.

And here begins my weblog. Welcome, and enjoy the journey!